Tuesday, 7 December 2010

What would you do?

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Okay so I have been banging on about this for years but it seems to have taken a more sinister turn. I keep the house relatively spotless and leave the kids rooms and bathrooms but the other day I rushed out and left the house in a real mess. Erin got home and called me and the first thing she said was - 'why is the house such a mess?' She is also leaving more personal stuff just lying around for all to see. I have tried taking away all her luxuries ie. laptop, cell phone, ipod and now even TV and she just digs her heels in and refuses to do it. So far we are even civil with each other on it.

11 comments:

  1. Omiword Jo! That is hectic but I am sure more seasoned moms of teens will be able to shed light?

    My humble suggestions:

    No tv,ipod,computer (NOTHING) until her room is done every day.

    If that isnt working, hit her where it hurts. If she cant be responsible as a young adult treat her like a child which means:

    NO GHD
    NO MAKE-UP
    NO CELL PHONE
    BED AT 8PM
    NO POCKET MONEY.

    The key here is that whatever you decide you have to enforce it to the letter of the law and BE CONSISTENT. Check on her every day until its habit - could take months.....

    Rach is also very very messy, as you know. I told her I am taking R3 off her pocket money every time I see her room a mess....its been spotless (within reason) for almost 12 days now.

    Unfortunately MONEY is a motivator from very young!

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  2. YAY! I am back to my roots with the blog!. I miss the stories and chaos!

    Miss you all

    Love you lots
    xxx

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  3. I agree with Mel. I know you said she digs her heels in and refuses to do anything about it - but all that that means is that her will power is lasting longer than yours. However I will say this. When *my* mom moaned about my room, I used to get SO Annoyed that I would want to make it messier. Then she tried throwing everything out of the cupboards and making it worse herself -which just made me absolutely livid. However, the times when she helped me do it were the best. Especially when she got little organizing boxes and stuff. I realize now - that as a recently diagnosed ADD person - that this was the approach that worked best for me - because a) there was help, b) there was a clear place for everything c) I could see she was trying to help and not 'punish' me. You could also try the reverse of Mels stategy - and this will require *some* major Hollywood quality acting skill on your part, and try the approach of the following: Apologize that it's hard for her to organize, and offer a trip to Ikea to get some storage items, but only on condition that you can help her tidy up (this once) and that she has to keep it that way. Then you lay out the rules for how it will work from here on out. List making also worked for me. I had a list of 3 things taped to my door that I had to do (3 is an easy number to do without feeling overwhelmed). 1. All mugs to the kitchen 2. All food in the bin/fed to the dogs 3. Nothing on the floor. If those three things were done then it was okay to have a little clutter on my dressing table etc. It also meant that when I wanted to tidy the dressing table, it was just about all I had to do - and therefor not feeling like an insurmountable task.

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  4. I also agree with Mel. Wow, and I thought my boys were messy. If you don't put your foot down with her now, she will always be messy.

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  5. Mel's idea is good, how about taking everything that's lying on the floor/where it shouldn't be, putting it all in a big black bag and putting it somewhere, like the loft where she can't see it, and say it's been thrown out? I did that with Sarah and she nearly had heart failure, and believed I had thrown it out. But, she was quite impressed with how much more space she seemed to have and saw how much easier it would be if everything was packed away. We are slipping a bit now, and as she's working towards moving to the 'big' bedroom, another 'fright' might be in order.

    It's not easy, Sarah's only 10 and as I'm a bit of a tidy freak, it seems all the worse that she's so inclined to untidiness.

    Good luck!!!

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  6. I loved seeing your toes and hand...made me feel like I had seen "YOU". Re the mess, my house would like like that too without Rumby. I nag, shout, have tried removing stuff until there really were no more clean clothes available for that child and have yet to find something that works. The funny thing I remember being much the same as a child...no-one could walk on my carpet, stuff all over.
    Strength to you my friend.

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  7. 3rd time I am having to retype my comment! grrrr - please change your settings to include Name / URL as a n option for commenting. Ta

    I think Misty is right here! Everything that you find on the floor, goes in the "bin" E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
    She'll soon learn to put her washing in the laundry basket, put things back where they belong etc... x

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  8. Shame Jo, I hear you.

    I have the same with Daniella - well her room anyway. I am so tired of nagging that I now just shut the door and don't go in there. If she wants to live like a pig, fine - but don't expect the maid to clean up after her.

    But bossing you around and telling you off? Who does she think she is? I think you need to lay down the law aka Mel and before you know it hopefully she will relearn how to respect her mother (who is not the general dogsbody) and tidy up after herself. I wouldn't put up with it at all.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

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  9. You have enough good advice there to fix it, I think.

    Somebody wise once said that this kind of conflict between moms and daughters was necessary because we are so close, that without it, daughters would never want to leave home.
    And mothers would never want to let them

    Hang in there - it will all be ok, you'll see.

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  10. Thanks ladies, I have tried most of these things but I havent tried the baby steps one, Ness I think, I will keep you informed ;)

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