Firstly, thank you to all my friends out there, gosh I feel so overcome by emotion to think that the people that sometimes feel like my nearest and dearest are so far away (and some of you I haven't even met).
Why is it that some people understand you with your lumps and bumps warts and all as they say. Girls I am feeling the love.
My Mums condition has not really deteriorated any further although she had been hoping to be discharged and come home (her home) but due to various elements that have to be put into place oxygen being one of them she hasn't been allowed which has distressed her somewhat.
The family situation has gone from bad to worse and for the life of me it really looks like it's me and I just want to stand up and scream and shout and say FFS listen to me and yourselves.
My brother flew in from Australia with his wife (OMG doesn't that just look dandy - flying in) ok this is the part where you tell me if I am just a bitch ...it doesn't 'impress' me. He is the blue eyed boy and his wife the daughter my Mum didn't get..... and they left this country, five years ago to seek greener pastures in Australia (which they dislike) and left their ailing and elderly mother behind with an equally ailing partner whom we all know passed away from Parkinson's 2 years ago and I was the one left here to nurse him and support my mother. Back to Andrew flying in.... flying in means you can afford it to me and if he couldn't and I am not entirely sure he did pay my mother would have paid for him to fly in - no big deal, he has ample leave available to him and quite frankly to me....the least he can do. The problems have been escalated by his attitude. He is here to 'project manage' the situation for 2 weeks and then f.... off and leave it to my other brother and myself.
It started off with him not telling me he was coming. He then called a meeting (on my work day) with the occupational therapist, my Mums ward nurse, my other brother and myself. The therapist CLEARLY explained what level of care my Mum would need if she was discharged and both my brothers were yes, yes, no problem 24/7 yes, yes we can wipe her bum and bed bath - no problem - she's my Mum. I sat looking like the bitch because I said that I was not comfortable with wiping bums and sorry I am not. Should the situation arise and my Mum calls me and that is what I would have to do then I am sure I would rise to the challenge. Just don't ask me here and now if that's what I can and will do. Fast forward 2 days! yes just 2 days! my Mum is still in hospital, no bums have been wiped, no drooling, no vomiting, no cleaning commodes yet... and 2 days later I get a call from the blue eyed boy to ask me/tell me that I will be expected to do Thursday nights and as many days as possible with my job. You know if my Mum asked me to look after her on a Thursday night and hey even every night for the rest of her days - no problem...but not my 'fly in to manage the situation brother'. My older brother swore blind in the meeting that he would do nights - no problem. We don't speak at all and now suddenly I am expected to consider that he would like to spend a night a week with his wife - 4 words - I give a shit! What I am not putting across clearly here though is that the therapist, the ward nurse and the matron DO NOT feel that my Mum should be discharged into the care of her family and I agree. Therefore by my agreeing with them I look like the heartless bitch that I am. Hospice is where my Mum belongs and anyone that is thinking clearly can see that. She is completely bed ridden, incontinent and not eating more than a teaspoon of food at a sitting.
Phew sorry for all this girls, but I had to tell someone.
Monday 22 October 2012
Friday 12 October 2012
Where has the time gone
Seriously I cant believe I have not been to this site in 6 months. As I often used my blog to whinge about stuff this could be seen as a positive.
So much has happened in my life in the last 6 months where should I start.
Let me start with why I stopped in here today... my dear friend Mel drove me here.
I have just found out that my Mum is really really ill, she has stage IV cancer, stomach, ovaries, gallbladder, lungs hell everywhere. The poor soul has been on so many pain killers for her arthritis that they must have somehow (I have assuming here) masked the pain although whenever I asked her how she was she would always reply with a 'not too bad today' or 'really feeling bad today'. I of course took this to mean her hips which are bad. What the hell the G.P. was thinking I have no idea - that's for another day but right now I have been told we will be lucky if she makes Christmas.
She has been in hospital for nearly 2 weeks and I not sure when she is likely to be sent home, as she lives alone we will need to get in help.
Coming from the happy close knit family that I do -NOT! the fireworks have already kicked off. But taking my Mum to the hospital I did the right thing and contacted my brothers, their grown up children, my son in SA and her late partners son too. I booked her in with my contact details as I would expect myself to be her next of kin again NOT my older brother is - yes the one I don't speak to or is that he doesn't speak to me either way I prefer not to share space with him. Long story short I felt really kicked in the stomach when I found out at the hospital on Wednesday of her condition, my brother had been informed (the day before) but chose not to contact me or my DH to let us know the circumstances. I was then told by my Mum that these were her wishes and that he was her next of kin.
Deep down I knew that my Mum was not well, she is after all also 81 and has lived a very full and interesting life but has been dogged by arthritis for at least 10 years now and bouts of other ill health. She certainly hasn't lost her sense of humour though, when I booked her in the other morning she said to me 'I haven't been feeling myself for sometime now - not that I spend a lot of time feeling myself'. LOL.
I am feeling really gutted though that she has chosen not to spend much of this time with myself and my little family. My kids both adore her but won't spend time with her if my brother is around - they have very very good reason. I have accepted though that maybe she just feels more comfortable with him, she has always seen me as 'too organised' , things have to be 'too perfect' for her liking. Yes this is true - I see myself as the 'Martha Stewart' of the family, I like to celebrate occasions - she doesn't, at Christmas time she may haul out a plastic electric 15cm tree if we are lucky. She didnt wish me happy birthday for my recent 50th birthday - strange actually she is not normally that dismissive (again this could be something to do with my brother). Domestic Goddess - NOT sorry does this seem all too trivial now? These are the things that are going through my mind, her lack of acceptance of me and my beliefs etc. she loves to throw in a 'I wish they would get this badger cull started' type of comment regularly just to get me going. And at the same time I am thinking about how generous she is - how I have never really gone without because I could turn to her at any time and she would be there. How she insisted on paying for Erin's prom dress and how she wanted it to be the best - yet she wont buy herself her favourite magazine because its just a waste of money.
Everyone has to die we all know that, I think this is going to be really hard.
So much has happened in my life in the last 6 months where should I start.
Let me start with why I stopped in here today... my dear friend Mel drove me here.
I have just found out that my Mum is really really ill, she has stage IV cancer, stomach, ovaries, gallbladder, lungs hell everywhere. The poor soul has been on so many pain killers for her arthritis that they must have somehow (I have assuming here) masked the pain although whenever I asked her how she was she would always reply with a 'not too bad today' or 'really feeling bad today'. I of course took this to mean her hips which are bad. What the hell the G.P. was thinking I have no idea - that's for another day but right now I have been told we will be lucky if she makes Christmas.
She has been in hospital for nearly 2 weeks and I not sure when she is likely to be sent home, as she lives alone we will need to get in help.
Coming from the happy close knit family that I do -NOT! the fireworks have already kicked off. But taking my Mum to the hospital I did the right thing and contacted my brothers, their grown up children, my son in SA and her late partners son too. I booked her in with my contact details as I would expect myself to be her next of kin again NOT my older brother is - yes the one I don't speak to or is that he doesn't speak to me either way I prefer not to share space with him. Long story short I felt really kicked in the stomach when I found out at the hospital on Wednesday of her condition, my brother had been informed (the day before) but chose not to contact me or my DH to let us know the circumstances. I was then told by my Mum that these were her wishes and that he was her next of kin.
Deep down I knew that my Mum was not well, she is after all also 81 and has lived a very full and interesting life but has been dogged by arthritis for at least 10 years now and bouts of other ill health. She certainly hasn't lost her sense of humour though, when I booked her in the other morning she said to me 'I haven't been feeling myself for sometime now - not that I spend a lot of time feeling myself'. LOL.
I am feeling really gutted though that she has chosen not to spend much of this time with myself and my little family. My kids both adore her but won't spend time with her if my brother is around - they have very very good reason. I have accepted though that maybe she just feels more comfortable with him, she has always seen me as 'too organised' , things have to be 'too perfect' for her liking. Yes this is true - I see myself as the 'Martha Stewart' of the family, I like to celebrate occasions - she doesn't, at Christmas time she may haul out a plastic electric 15cm tree if we are lucky. She didnt wish me happy birthday for my recent 50th birthday - strange actually she is not normally that dismissive (again this could be something to do with my brother). Domestic Goddess - NOT sorry does this seem all too trivial now? These are the things that are going through my mind, her lack of acceptance of me and my beliefs etc. she loves to throw in a 'I wish they would get this badger cull started' type of comment regularly just to get me going. And at the same time I am thinking about how generous she is - how I have never really gone without because I could turn to her at any time and she would be there. How she insisted on paying for Erin's prom dress and how she wanted it to be the best - yet she wont buy herself her favourite magazine because its just a waste of money.
Everyone has to die we all know that, I think this is going to be really hard.
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