Today

I have been feeling really old and useless lately and inspired by Mels post yesterday to mention it here.  I don't know whether I am just have an after mid life crisis because things seem to make me very anxious lately.  I seem to be taking big breaths whenever I think of 'stuff' I would like to do or achieve as if I wont have enough time or energy or good health or even money. 

My hearing is not what it should be but I am not considered to really need a hearing aid - I know I can see you think 'old' at the mention of hearing aid, that's one of my dilemmas people just shove you onto the past sell by date shelf.

 I can't do a thing without my so called reading glasses.  DH, Scott and I went out to one of the neighbouring villages to a popular coffee outlet on Saturday morning and I put salt in all the coffees!! talk about a advert for specsavers, fortunately the owner was most understanding and replaced the coffees but did put the correct sachets on the table with the fresh coffees.

 I went to movies last week with a friend to see The Black Swan, brilliant but we were the youngest people there!  I think I need a job that gets me out and about more I am not sure this SAHM or work from home Mum is the answer for me I am just not disciplined enough.

Soul Searching

Erin's bedroom has not improved at all.  On her birthday 10 days ago I asked her if she would like me to clean and tidy her room, she happily agreed and in fact stood at the door most of the time chatting away without a care in the world.  I asked her whether she like the room neat and tidy and clean and she didn't have any real opinion on it.  Fast forward about a week and the room looked like it did before I cleaned it and after a couple of pushes I stormed in there and took away her GHD, laptop, and her new Blackberry not realising that her ipod is wi-fi enabled :( so I only removed that 2 days later.  All hell broke loose and she was impossible for days on end.  The house has been a war zone and totally unpleasant for everyone. 

She stormed in from school on Monday and stomped upstairs and came down looking all dolled up and promptly told me she was going out.  OMG my heart stopped and I suddenly realised what was really important to me.  She was only going out to a friend for a birthday dinner so it was all fine but it certainly got me thinking.  She is a 'good' girl, she doesn't smoke, drink, mess around with boys, play truant, she is not particularly cheeky in fact she is generally a happy soul, kind but not always that considerate, helps me only occasionally in the house but is often happy to make a meal or sort out the dogs.  So what have I decided?? 

To give her all her stuff back and allow her to keep her room the way she sees fit after all I have noticed that lots of people don't have houses as clean or tidy as I like to keep mine but I do see some that are are so I am not happy to be considered OTT or compulsive about tidyness - just normal.

Thing is I love her lots and just wish her only happiness and hopefully one day we will meet somewhere in the middle.

My Good Deed

Whilst out on my canvasing this afternoon I knocked on a door, heard nothing but thought I saw something move through the glass pane.  The next thing a set of keys were being pushed through the letterbox and a very weak voice asking for help.  Poor little old lady (in her 80's) had fallen and pulled herself to the front door and had been lying there very shaken and frail for sometime.  I managed to lift her up and get her into a chair, I made her a cup of tea and she then asked me what I was doing there :) we had a little laugh together because she didn't have any pets.  I called her daughter whom assured me she would go over and check on her.  Perfect to uplift mood!!

Just a bit depressed

Yeah I have been really flat the last couple of weeks I took myself off to the Dr. yesterday as I am ticking all the boxes, not enjoying things I used to enjoy, wanting to sleep all the time, avoiding speaking to people and my senses seem to be lessened.  The Dr. recommended I get more exercise and a SAD lamp or move to London where there is a bit more action :)  I am also on a diet and my food seems so bland I have even lost my appetite.  What a drip!


I am putting in more hours on the pet food side and really enjoying that although it is going to be another year before we see any real financial reward.  A year is a long time which isn't helping my mood at the moment.  The job is fun though and you never know what to expect behind every door. I sold to one customer recently and then discovered that he has 6 adult Great Danes and he goes through 15 15kg bags of dog food a month, that's like 15 new customer in one hit and then I end up sitting with a little old lady for an hour who has a miniature dachshund.  

My teens are also feeling a bit down poor old Scott is feeling isolated because of his morals and is finding it difficult to mix with his peers as all they talk about is sex, drink and TV games.  Erin is in pretty much the same position with most of her class mates too.  Keeping them on the straight and narrow is easier said than done.  At least in our day our parents had a inkling of who we mixed with and what we were doing just from the phone calls we used to get at home - now of course that doesn't happen.  I don't think my teens have ever had a call at home.   

All is not lost though, the buds are out and spring is around the corner, bring it on...

Random

• Not sure if the SAHM thing is for me - I seem to get lazier by the day.
• I have started the Slimming World diet, I don't normally mention that I am dieting because I am rubbish at it - but I am sticking to this one.  I need to lose about 15kgs!!!
• I went to a friends house on Sunday night (girls night) she lives about 500m away.  Walking home in the dark is still totally bizarre to me.  I ran through the dark bits completely freaked out.  I am not sure I will ever get used to it although my teens have, Scott walks home at midnight often.
• It is Erin's birthday on Sunday she will be 15! I am a bit depressed about not being able to go all out for the 3rd year in a row.  We are still not where I would like to be financially.  She won't mind though she is so easy to please.  Scott on the other hand....
• I think we all need a holiday.  The dull days are getting to all of us we are even starting to mention it when the sun pops through the clouds.