Monday, 18 March 2013

Settling In

I have been in my new job for 3 weeks now and I suppose you could say the honeymoon period is over.  Not that its not fun or anything just that I am now part of the team and the furniture so therefore I should know what I am doing and who is who and who works at what branch and so on.

Every time I do something that I haven't done before I think....I'll only make that mistake once or only ask that person once what to do and I will only go down to the train station once to collect tickets without the reference no. - yes I did that! 

I have an extraordinary long day - again pretty normal to the Brits, something that I should have realised from my first job here - work hard play hard is very much the motto despite the world thinking that the Brits are a bunch of layabouts.  I do get 35 working days leave a year though so that should sweeten the blow.

The weather is absolutely dismal here at the moment and I really cant wait to feel some sun on my shoulders.  I am planning a trip to SA and thinking that I may have to wait until after summer just because I cant bear to waste a day here that may be 'good' weather and be in the SA winter (which is really the same as a bad summer day here). 

Saturday, 23 February 2013


Well I got it - the job!

I don't want to go on about being surprised particularly after all the position is what I trained for when I left school and went to college.  It will be challenging though but bring it on I really need it.  My family are of course hugely proud of me and relieved I think to know that I shall be 'back' from next week.

I will be working in the city which will also take me back to my first job because that was really the last time I have worked in a city centre and I am so looking for to it.  Living out in the countryside is lovely but being in the city reminds you of how small you are in the grand scheme of things that feeling of anonymity which I think I crave sometimes  whereas here everyone knows us even if they don't smile and say hello.

So a BIG week for me starting Monday.  Thanks for the support as always!

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

X Factor

Have you ever thought about putting yourself through the horror of competing on something like the X Factor? As a person with little or no talent in anything of that nature I could think of nothing worse.  

Yesterday I went for my 2nd interview for the job I mentioned in the last post.  I was firstly subjected to an hour long test which wasn't too bad after all,  I was fairly relieved I was a nervous wreck about whether I would manage. 

I then faced the two guys I would be working with for over an hour......flip talk about stress!  Me on one side of the desk them on the other, firing squad came to mind.  They were very pleasant and didn't throw too many difficult questions my way but whatever you answer you come away thinking I should have said the opposite.

 'What would be your favourite part of this job?'
 'What would your previous employer say about you?' 
 'What are you not very good at??'
'Would getting to work 15 minutes early and leaving 15 minutes late worry you?'  - 'no not at all I don't have a life outside of my job??

You get the drift.

And after all that it's between me and 2 other women so I feel like I am standing on a stage with a woman either side and drum roll.......the winner is.........

Monday, 11 February 2013

Frying My Brain

I am studying at the moment.....nothing exciting just Word - yes just Word and Excel, I am admittedly doing the 'more' advanced stuff but Word nonetheless    I suppose just from reading that last sentence you can tell that I am not in the best frame of mind - doubting myself, not giving what I am doing any worth or that it would have any relevance to you (reader).  I haven't used any form of Ms Office for over a year so I have to brush up and gosh is my brain burning!

I am feeling pretty sorry for myself at the moment, I really do have a lot going on in my life but it looks like I have nothing going on in my life.  I am once again in the unfortunate position of looking for a job.  I have been working for a wedding chair cover company for just over a year and they have decided to move the sales team down to their warehouse in another county.  So I have been made redundant.  Pretty simple really and all on good terms I even went down to the warehouse and trained up the new 'ladies' and got to see another part of the UK - Kent which is really really nice even at this time of the year.  I nearly took the wrong lane on the highway (on purpose) on my way down, it was so tempting to just drive through the tunnel and think that I would pop up in Paris!  But nah I stuck to the 'right' lane and did the 'right' thing.

so I am job hunting hence the Word and Excel brush up, and I went for an interview last week for a really super position could be a bit fast paced for me but at the same time within my capabilities (if I sufficiently brush up on my Word and Excel).  I am now waiting to see if I get called for a 2nd interview which will entail tests.  Working in this country can be really tough they expect a lot from people! I am also a little nervous of the people here because they are really so different.  If you watch Downton Abbey notice how no-one has an opinion or if they do they don't have the balls to share it!  No-one shows any emotion - nothing, and my worst - people don't greet each other instantly - they mutter and warm up later, something I repeatedly forget. Me being the tell you my life story in a day (make that an hour) kinda person this is very challenging!!  My DH works in a large office now and complains of the same thing but like anything you get used to it with time.  

All in all this is not a good time of the year for me to be in this predicament as the weather is so incredibly dull in Jan/Feb but I wont bore you with the muddy garden and 2 dogs and a daughter that is studying equine management that chucks her muddy boots off at the door when she comes home at night (inside the door btw).

Monday, 22 October 2012


Firstly, thank you to all my friends out there, gosh I feel so overcome by emotion to think that the people that sometimes feel like my nearest and dearest are so far away (and some of you I haven't even met).

Why is it that some people understand you with your lumps and bumps warts and all as they say.  Girls I am feeling the love.

My Mums condition has not really deteriorated any further although she had been hoping to be discharged and come home (her home) but due to various elements that have to be put into place oxygen being one of them she hasn't been allowed which has distressed her somewhat.

The family situation has gone from bad to worse and for the life of me it really looks like it's me and I just want to stand up and scream and shout and say FFS listen to me and yourselves.   

My brother flew in from Australia with his wife (OMG doesn't that just look dandy - flying in) ok this is the part where you tell me if I am just a bitch doesn't 'impress' me.  He is the blue eyed boy and his wife the daughter my Mum didn't get..... and they left this country, five years ago to seek greener pastures in Australia (which they dislike) and left their ailing and elderly mother behind with an equally ailing partner whom we all know passed away from Parkinson's 2 years ago and I was the one left here to nurse him and support my mother.   Back to Andrew flying in.... flying in means you can afford it to me and if he couldn't and I am not entirely sure he did pay my mother would have paid for him to fly in - no big deal, he has ample leave available to him and quite frankly to me....the least he can do.  The problems have been escalated by his attitude.  He is here to 'project manage' the situation for 2 weeks and then f.... off and leave it to my other brother and myself.  

It started off with him not telling me he was coming.  He then called a meeting (on my work day) with the occupational therapist, my Mums ward nurse, my other brother and myself.  The therapist CLEARLY explained what level of care my Mum would need if she was discharged and both my brothers were yes, yes, no problem 24/7 yes, yes we can wipe her bum and bed bath - no problem - she's my Mum.   I sat looking like the bitch because I said that I was not comfortable with wiping bums and sorry I am not.  Should the situation arise and my Mum calls me and that is what I would have to do then I am sure I would rise to the challenge.  Just don't ask me here and now if that's what I can and will do.   Fast forward 2 days!  yes just 2 days!  my Mum is still in hospital, no bums have been wiped, no drooling, no vomiting, no cleaning commodes yet... and 2 days later I get a call from the blue eyed boy to ask me/tell me that I will be expected to do Thursday nights and as many days as possible with my job.  You know if my Mum asked me to look after her on a Thursday night and hey even every night for the rest of her days - no problem...but not my 'fly in to manage the situation brother'.   My older brother swore blind in the meeting that he would do nights - no problem.  We don't speak at all and now suddenly I am expected to consider that he would like to spend a night a week with his wife - 4 words -  I give a shit!  What I am not putting across clearly here though is that the therapist, the ward nurse and the matron DO NOT feel that my Mum should be discharged into the care of her family  and I agree. Therefore by my agreeing with them I look like the heartless bitch that I am. Hospice is where my Mum belongs and anyone that is thinking clearly can see that.  She is completely bed ridden, incontinent and not eating more than a teaspoon of food at a sitting.

Phew sorry for all this girls, but I had to tell someone.

Friday, 12 October 2012

Where has the time gone

Seriously I cant believe I have not been to this site in 6 months.  As I often used my blog to whinge about stuff this could be seen as a positive. 

So much has happened in my life in the last 6 months where should I start.

Let me start with why I stopped in here today... my dear friend Mel drove me here.

I have just found out that my Mum is really really ill, she has stage IV cancer, stomach, ovaries, gallbladder, lungs hell everywhere. The poor soul has been on so many pain killers for her arthritis that they must have somehow (I have assuming here) masked the pain although whenever I asked her how she was she would always reply with a 'not too bad today' or 'really feeling bad today'.  I of course took this to mean her hips which are bad.  What the hell the G.P.  was thinking I have no idea - that's for another day but right now I have been told we will be lucky if she makes Christmas.

She has been in hospital for nearly 2 weeks and I not sure when she is likely to be sent home, as she lives alone we will need to get in help.

Coming from the happy close knit family that I do -NOT!  the fireworks have already kicked off.  But taking my Mum to the hospital I did the right thing and contacted my brothers, their grown up children, my son in SA and her late partners son too.  I booked her in with my contact details as I would expect myself to be her next of kin again NOT my older brother is - yes the one I don't speak to or is that he doesn't speak to me either way I prefer not to share space with him. Long story short I felt really kicked in the stomach when I found out at the hospital on Wednesday of her condition, my brother had been informed (the day before) but chose not to contact me or my DH to let us know the circumstances.  I was then told by my Mum that these were her wishes and that he was her next of kin. 

Deep down I knew that my Mum was not well, she is after all also 81 and has lived a very full and interesting life but has been dogged by arthritis for at least 10 years now and bouts of other ill health.  She certainly hasn't lost her sense of humour though, when I booked her in the other morning she said to me 'I haven't been feeling myself for sometime now - not that I spend a lot of time feeling myself'.  LOL. 

I am feeling really gutted though that she has chosen not to spend much of this time with myself and my little family.  My kids both adore her but won't spend time with her if my brother is around - they have very very good reason.  I have accepted though that maybe she just feels more comfortable with him, she has always seen me as 'too organised' , things have to be 'too perfect' for her liking.  Yes this is true - I see myself as the 'Martha Stewart' of the family, I like to celebrate occasions - she doesn't, at Christmas time she may haul out a plastic electric 15cm tree if we are lucky. She didnt wish me happy birthday for my recent 50th birthday - strange actually she is not normally that dismissive (again this could be something to do with my brother).    Domestic Goddess - NOT sorry does this seem all too trivial now?  These are the things that are going through my mind, her lack of acceptance of me and my beliefs etc.  she loves to throw in a 'I wish they would get this badger cull started' type of comment regularly just to get me going.  And at the same time I am thinking about how generous she is - how I have never really gone without because I could turn to her at any time and she would be there.  How she insisted on paying for Erin's prom dress and how she wanted it to be the best - yet she wont buy herself her favourite magazine because its just a waste of money.

Everyone has to die we all know that, I think this is going to be really hard.

Monday, 2 April 2012

More Random Stuff!

Just got back from having a routine mammogram, it was my first personal experience of the NHS hospitals, wow, appointment at 2.15 - seen at 2.15 and out in 10 minutes.  So can't complain at all and the staff were friendly  which is something that I notice straight away because it is not necessarily a given in these parts and the equipment quite clearly the latest there is.    And as we are talking boobs I have discovered that I can hold a pencil under mine if my arms are at my sides, if I breath in and hold up my arms and tilt back slightly it falls out!  Amazing what you can do at 49!

On the subject of age, a guy phoned into the office last week, spoke to me and said 'I spoke to someone last week - a younger woman' - what the....... couldn't he just of said someone with a different accent?   And he was expecting me to be attentive after that - not!

Both of my teens have had a good dabble with alcohol this weekend.  Scott went out on Saturday night and spent most of the evening puking but more little Penny Pie slept out at a good friends house last night,  she came home fairly early this morning as she had some holiday revision classes to attend at school ( they are on holiday for 2 weeks)  I was still in bed as was DH and she immediately sat down and told us what she had done - drank lots and lots of beer!  I managed to stay completely calm even though I was terribly concerned.  But what can you do other than educate them on the dangers of their behaviour?  The friends Mum was there? Should I speak to her?  not sure Penny's relationship with her friend could withstand is after all normal behaviour to a lot of people in this country and that would open a can of 'class rules' which I would hate to get into a debate about.

I am not sure if I mentioned on my blog that I am studying Sociology, yep even down for my first exams in June, I will be writing them at the local high school as a private candidate.  I am thoroughly enjoying the subject matter but the past exam papers I have are way out of my league so I have got quite a bit of work to do before June, fortunately my job is quiet in the afternoons so I get to put in a good hour or two. 

Summer is around the corner, our little town is looking at its best, daffs everywhere you look and we have even had a few days of blue skies....not sure I am 'feeling' it just yet though.