I'm back! Possibly in a slightly better frame of mind but not altogether and I am choosing to use this as a platform to whine at the moment with a little light relief in between.
This is a time of life when you should be starting to think about buckets lists (no I am not dying - well yes I am - we all are but you know what I mean) because lets face it getting the stuff done on your bucket list can take years and years. I have ticked off a lot on mine but nothing of late. Seen Victoria Falls in all her glory, the Great Barrier Reef , the Pyramids (a little disappointing). I have even swam with dolphins (on my own and not on an organised trip) ...... but still so much to do.
But back to 'time of life', generally it should be just be about winding down and my life seems to be going in completely the opposite direction and no I am not frantically busy. My financial situation seems to dominate everything I do and think about, from the positive to the negative and it always comes back to the same thing........or person... my long suffering DH. In a positive light, I really believe that being comfortable financially did not bring out the best in me and in fact I believe it doesn't bring out the best in anyone. But at the same time I am tired yes really tired of not being able to buy my teens things regularly, take my daughter out for the day....and heaven forbid even a day at a spa. I was talking to a friend at a bbq last weekend about clothes and happened to mention that I felt like a blast from the past and she immediately commented that we should go shopping to the city for a day and get me all sorted! It didn't occur to her for a moment that I may not have a few £100 to blow on myself. But I need to add here that the 'friend' I was speaking to is my age, never lived in another village her whole life, her only child attends the same school that she and her husband attended. He is still in his first job and she in her second!! Nicer people you couldn't wish to meet but I am grateful for my experiences and I know that I will always be on the move and change is disruptive and so contributes to my insecurities (I suppose).
So bottom line, when there is disharmony in my house it ALWAYS involves money! I panic and fly off the handle without even thinking and bring up the past within split seconds and the pain all comes back and I can't forgive because I clearly cannot forget.
I can understand where you're coming from. I also get the 'forgive and forget' thing completely. Despite what people say there is no such thing as forget. But in order to live in harmony sometimes amnesia is required. At other times we need to look back in order so that we don't make the same mistakes again in the future. In my personal experience totally revamping the household budget, and forcing myself to set aside bits and pieces until it adds up has saved my sanity time and again.
ReplyDeleteAlso - don't be tempted to compare yourself to others. The pound is a luxurious thing - and people who have lived here for a long time have been able to take advantage of that for just as long. I'm still amazed on a daily basis just how much a single pound can buy.
Our lives here are infinitely richer even without the strong currency and good buying power, things which fancy SUV's and big houses can *never* replace. Be at peace, and know that you're in a building phase and look forward to all the good that is to come.
I really, really hear what you're saying! There's nothing like financial insecurity to highlight the flaws in any relationship. I reckon 90% of my fights with DH have been money related and in my more mature moments (which are few and far between!) I realise that it's silly, because like you say, life experiences are worth so much more than material things. I just crave financial stability (and the day when my father doesn't pay for our overseas holidays!).... I blame it on being a Capricorn!!
ReplyDeleteP.S so funny that you blogged about bucket lists, I did too!
So funny that both you and Gill have travel on your bucket list. I think that is possibly what I would have on mine too. We always had this dream that we would have a savings account where we would put money away every month to be able to travel abroad every second year. As soon as we have enough something happens in the family and the money is needed by one of the children or a parent....so I wonder if we will ever get to the traveling.
ReplyDeleteI have seen so many relationships perish because of financial reasons...and I have seen how in the past two years our wealthiest friends have been slowly stripped of their possessions due to the building industry. I have seen the two of them growing closer and closer together. I have seen them grow strong because they are standing together.
xx
Very interesting post, C---you've given me a lot to think about. I'm on the hunt for another job now (recently lost the job I had), and even though I'm not skint, I'm really sick of job insecurity and not knowing where my next bit of income is coming from. I feel so much like you do, that I'm at the point in life where continually starting over is exhausting and stressful. I'm too tired to be positive, and a positive attitude is crucial to managing the ups and downs of life. I feel like a haggy old bitch, and I feel sorry for my husband who has to live with me. What are we going to do to sort ourselves out, C?
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