Monday, 22 October 2012


Firstly, thank you to all my friends out there, gosh I feel so overcome by emotion to think that the people that sometimes feel like my nearest and dearest are so far away (and some of you I haven't even met).

Why is it that some people understand you with your lumps and bumps warts and all as they say.  Girls I am feeling the love.

My Mums condition has not really deteriorated any further although she had been hoping to be discharged and come home (her home) but due to various elements that have to be put into place oxygen being one of them she hasn't been allowed which has distressed her somewhat.

The family situation has gone from bad to worse and for the life of me it really looks like it's me and I just want to stand up and scream and shout and say FFS listen to me and yourselves.   

My brother flew in from Australia with his wife (OMG doesn't that just look dandy - flying in) ok this is the part where you tell me if I am just a bitch doesn't 'impress' me.  He is the blue eyed boy and his wife the daughter my Mum didn't get..... and they left this country, five years ago to seek greener pastures in Australia (which they dislike) and left their ailing and elderly mother behind with an equally ailing partner whom we all know passed away from Parkinson's 2 years ago and I was the one left here to nurse him and support my mother.   Back to Andrew flying in.... flying in means you can afford it to me and if he couldn't and I am not entirely sure he did pay my mother would have paid for him to fly in - no big deal, he has ample leave available to him and quite frankly to me....the least he can do.  The problems have been escalated by his attitude.  He is here to 'project manage' the situation for 2 weeks and then f.... off and leave it to my other brother and myself.  

It started off with him not telling me he was coming.  He then called a meeting (on my work day) with the occupational therapist, my Mums ward nurse, my other brother and myself.  The therapist CLEARLY explained what level of care my Mum would need if she was discharged and both my brothers were yes, yes, no problem 24/7 yes, yes we can wipe her bum and bed bath - no problem - she's my Mum.   I sat looking like the bitch because I said that I was not comfortable with wiping bums and sorry I am not.  Should the situation arise and my Mum calls me and that is what I would have to do then I am sure I would rise to the challenge.  Just don't ask me here and now if that's what I can and will do.   Fast forward 2 days!  yes just 2 days!  my Mum is still in hospital, no bums have been wiped, no drooling, no vomiting, no cleaning commodes yet... and 2 days later I get a call from the blue eyed boy to ask me/tell me that I will be expected to do Thursday nights and as many days as possible with my job.  You know if my Mum asked me to look after her on a Thursday night and hey even every night for the rest of her days - no problem...but not my 'fly in to manage the situation brother'.   My older brother swore blind in the meeting that he would do nights - no problem.  We don't speak at all and now suddenly I am expected to consider that he would like to spend a night a week with his wife - 4 words -  I give a shit!  What I am not putting across clearly here though is that the therapist, the ward nurse and the matron DO NOT feel that my Mum should be discharged into the care of her family  and I agree. Therefore by my agreeing with them I look like the heartless bitch that I am. Hospice is where my Mum belongs and anyone that is thinking clearly can see that.  She is completely bed ridden, incontinent and not eating more than a teaspoon of food at a sitting.

Phew sorry for all this girls, but I had to tell someone.


  1. I know just how you feel, really I do! Been in your shoes... Don't let them bully you. Sounds to me like hospice is really the answer in this situation xx

    1. Hi Gill, I have since heard that the patient themselves has to want to go to hospice so that puts that one out of the picture for

  2. Stick to your guns. I am so sorry that it has to be this way, thinking of you.

  3. Hope everything is going well and your Mum's situation has been sorted satisfactory. Thinking of you