Thursday 16 June

I haven't spoken to Erin for two weeks now nor has she spoken to me.  I had a huge wobbly with the whole family and she was earmarked by me as being the cause of most of it.  I am not the slightest bit concerned, this was long overdue.  I do feel that maybe 'mothering' is not my strength and I won't go to my grave saying I have no regrets.  My home is infinitely  more peaceful though especially now that she doesn't stomp off up the stairs when I walk into a room she is in, she does it on purpose because she knows it pushes lots of my buttons.  Note to self: never buy a house with a wooden first floor!


So this means that my salary at the end of this month is for ME I don't have to share it with an ungrateful teen!

Soul Searching

Erin's bedroom has not improved at all.  On her birthday 10 days ago I asked her if she would like me to clean and tidy her room, she happily agreed and in fact stood at the door most of the time chatting away without a care in the world.  I asked her whether she like the room neat and tidy and clean and she didn't have any real opinion on it.  Fast forward about a week and the room looked like it did before I cleaned it and after a couple of pushes I stormed in there and took away her GHD, laptop, and her new Blackberry not realising that her ipod is wi-fi enabled :( so I only removed that 2 days later.  All hell broke loose and she was impossible for days on end.  The house has been a war zone and totally unpleasant for everyone. 

She stormed in from school on Monday and stomped upstairs and came down looking all dolled up and promptly told me she was going out.  OMG my heart stopped and I suddenly realised what was really important to me.  She was only going out to a friend for a birthday dinner so it was all fine but it certainly got me thinking.  She is a 'good' girl, she doesn't smoke, drink, mess around with boys, play truant, she is not particularly cheeky in fact she is generally a happy soul, kind but not always that considerate, helps me only occasionally in the house but is often happy to make a meal or sort out the dogs.  So what have I decided?? 

To give her all her stuff back and allow her to keep her room the way she sees fit after all I have noticed that lots of people don't have houses as clean or tidy as I like to keep mine but I do see some that are are so I am not happy to be considered OTT or compulsive about tidyness - just normal.

Thing is I love her lots and just wish her only happiness and hopefully one day we will meet somewhere in the middle.

Just a bit depressed

Yeah I have been really flat the last couple of weeks I took myself off to the Dr. yesterday as I am ticking all the boxes, not enjoying things I used to enjoy, wanting to sleep all the time, avoiding speaking to people and my senses seem to be lessened.  The Dr. recommended I get more exercise and a SAD lamp or move to London where there is a bit more action :)  I am also on a diet and my food seems so bland I have even lost my appetite.  What a drip!


I am putting in more hours on the pet food side and really enjoying that although it is going to be another year before we see any real financial reward.  A year is a long time which isn't helping my mood at the moment.  The job is fun though and you never know what to expect behind every door. I sold to one customer recently and then discovered that he has 6 adult Great Danes and he goes through 15 15kg bags of dog food a month, that's like 15 new customer in one hit and then I end up sitting with a little old lady for an hour who has a miniature dachshund.  

My teens are also feeling a bit down poor old Scott is feeling isolated because of his morals and is finding it difficult to mix with his peers as all they talk about is sex, drink and TV games.  Erin is in pretty much the same position with most of her class mates too.  Keeping them on the straight and narrow is easier said than done.  At least in our day our parents had a inkling of who we mixed with and what we were doing just from the phone calls we used to get at home - now of course that doesn't happen.  I don't think my teens have ever had a call at home.   

All is not lost though, the buds are out and spring is around the corner, bring it on...

Back to normal

Scott's friend from SA left today (she has been here for 4 weeks) so it's back to normal from tonight except that my Mum is 80 tomorrow so the routine of school etc. will only kick in on Thursday.  School is very different for the kids here come January - both of mine go back to write a couple of exams each no easing in gently. 

I will be starting to work with DH, hopefully with a dash of enthusiasm as I am enjoying my lazy days at home.  I am also considering joining the gym closest to us about 10km away and situated behind the school Erin goes to, so I could drop her off a couple of mornings a week instead of her catching the bus (only problem is she can catch the bus) it would have been ideal if I dropped her off everyday normally.  I am finally seeing a physio for my knee tomorrow which is feeling a lot better since Kirsty gave me some advice but it is still not healed.   I have always been a fast walker and I now notice myself trailing behind people so I am really hoping the physio will have some answers and we find out what is actually wrong with it before I turn into a complete couch potato.

I am going to break out my camera a bit later when Scott and Erin get home as I want to take some family pics to give to my Mum, could be fun but I have warned both of them that I will be taking the pics and that I expect 100% co-operation, Erin has agreed but I am not so sure about Scott.  Lets see I may just post a couple tomorrow.

Last week - 46

• Well the first night in the hotel was dreadful note to self: Never stay in a hotel that is frequented by business men (that pay their own bills) and when asked what they think of the hotel they reply - 'its fine'. Men are just so not discerning about these things. Lumpy mattress - ' didn't notice!!!' Must have been pissed!
• Got lost on my way to the head office on Monday morning, my Tom Tom was telling me to turn into houses that had seen a couple of changes in centuries. Final got there late, I hate being late especially for something like this. Spent 4 days of training on animal nutrition and hey presto - I can't believe there was so much to learn.
• The company took us out for a slap up meal on the Tuesday night, had a absolutely ball - I am beginning to feel human again.
• Driving home on Thursday night made me realise how blessed we are to live in Suffolk, it is such a beautiful part of the UK. I reckon that this sleepy, peaceful way of life has made our transition just so much easier. The area we live in is officially entitled 'an area of outstanding natural beauty' - it certainly is.
• I went out 'canvassing' with DH on Friday and it was no- where near as difficult as I thought it would be, I didn't do too well though but it didn't put me off.
• Scott has got himself a job as a waiter at the very posh hotel in village. He believed he would get a job in the village and he did - I have to hand it to him, jobs for teens are hard to come by and one paying tips as well as the minimum wage even more sought after. He walked in with his CV and asked to see the owner and a couple of calls later he pulled it off.
• Scott was also invited by a friends family to watch rugby at Twickenham on Saturday, he is really settling in well and even bought himself an England scarf but said he would be very torn when England play South Africa, I think we will find him in the SA camp.
• Erin and I went shopping for clothes for her at Primark (bit like Mr. Price) on Sunday, she got loads of stuff including a gorgeous pair of sexy lace up ankle boots. She wore them straight away but really struggled with the amount of attention she seemed to attract, she is so used to walking around in jodphurs and flat horsey boots. She sure scrubs up well and given time I am sure she will get used to it.